• Gemma McCabe

Trauma Bonding ... A warning to women



Firstly a definition of Trauma.


~ An event, a moment, or a period of time, that was too much for you to handle. It rendered you frozen, numb, and 'different' to the person you were before. There is a distinct difference between the person you were before and the person you were after. The moment, event or period of time can be anything. But the requirements are that you were not able to cope with it, in your body and mind and emotions.



The examples of trauma are endless. Childhood trauma and Adult trauma. Anything that stands out in your life, that changed you to the point were you find yourself saying, I was never the same. I don't recognise myself anymore. The experience was beyond you to cope with.


PTSD symptoms and indicators include:


  • Nightmares

  • Rage

  • Temper

  • Phobias

  • Numbness

  • No crying

  • Crying all the time

  • Nihilism

  • Suicidal Ideation

  • Despair

  • Existential Darkness

  • Loss of trust

  • loss of hope

  • A loss of instinct

  • Trusting the wrong people

  • Severe drop in weight/gain in weight



So, this is my warning.


If you think you may be carrying trauma from childhood or from your earlier adult years, I strongly suggest you seek help. The above list of symptoms are usually not enough for a woman to seek PTSD Recovery Help. Lack of money, lack of education on whats happening to her, lack of services in her locality. An inability to recognise that she has PTSD, or more importantly, that she has the ability to heal.


One common feature I see in women, is that, there is a deep rooted belief, that feels like the truth, that she will never get over it. No way. Like a prison sentence or a cross she must bare alone and with pride. Unfixable. Shameful always. A dark trap. More than likely 'it's her fault' anyway, so she will suffer on.


So like that isn't bad enough. Thats not my warning. My warning is this:


If you don't heal, you run an extremely high risk of bonding with a mate, who will repeat the trauma all over again. This is called Trauma Bonding. From bad to worse. I have seen this pattern in abused women over and over again. The instincts are so damaged from the trauma, the woman cannot tell who is safe and healthy. And the risk is so high, to bond with someone who will bring up the trauma again, in a twisted effort from the unconscious to heal itself. That trauma bond, I have noticed, can be such a web to disentangle from. So on top of the PTSD, you now have an extended relationship that compounds the darkness, the faulty beliefs and the damage originally caused. Traumatised women are easy pickings, incredibly vulnerable, and easily spotted by a predator. Easily manipulated.


I urge you to seek PTSD recovery as soon as you recognise this in yourself. Or if there is someone in your life, who you can see is suffering from PTSD, you might deliver her to a safe professional who can help her recover and transform. If you know a woman life this in your life, intervene. Say something. Reach out and explain what you see to her. Tell her, there is help available and everything is fixable. It's not the time for throwing your hands in the air and saying there is nothing you can do. The woman herself may not have the capacity to even seek help. Maybe we can look out for these women in our community?





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